I was recently asked what advice I would give to someone who found themselves unexpectedly unhappy with retirement. What would you say to someone with retirement regrets? It struck me as a very human question.
Certified Financial Transitionists are trained to look out for these pitfalls, and to help clients navigate questions like this. Here are the top considerations I would offer to someone who is questioning their decision to retire:
1: This is Normal. Many people picture retirement as unending vacation time. That can be fun at first, but the novelty eventually wears off, leaving you feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Worse, people feel as if they did something wrong if they’re not deliriously happy every day after retirement.
First off, realize this is normal. When you retire, you go through a huge life change. It isn’t all roses; there is a grieving process. You need to allow yourself time to adjust. And that’s normal. In fact, it is common for people to feel uprooted and unsettled for 3-5 years after a big transition like this. Give yourself time and space to explore what might be a completely new lifestyle and identity for you. Take it slowly if you need to.
Can you find a way to honor the things you have left behind – while also looking forward to the possibilities that lie ahead? Finding balance is key.
2: Give Yourself Permission to Reimagine. In his book Life is in the Transitions, Bruce Feiler says it beautifully: “Primed to expect that our lives will follow a predictable path, we’re thrown when they don’t. We have linear expectations but nonlinear realities.”
What expectations did you have when you made the decision to retire? Are they still relevant, or are you operating on outdated assumptions? Do you need to give yourself permission to rethink your routines and relationships?
We invite clients to focus on “the 3 C’s”: community, control, and contribution. These are the pillars to feeling satisfied and grounded in times of change. Most importantly, though, is to give yourself permission to let go of the old and experiment with the new. It’s OK to try something you’ve never done before and see where it leads.
3: Refocus on Purpose. Human beings want to be a part of something greater than themselves, and retirement can feel overly self-focused at times. We’ve found that volunteer opportunities can help to re-establish your sense of purpose.
One client discovered a whole new world when she offered to help plant a local garden – even though she had no prior experience! Another found deep satisfaction in helping a nonprofit build affordable housing.
If you’re not sure where to start, think about interests you had back in childhood or early adulthood. Would it feel fulfilling to serve as a docent at a local history museum or an usher at a performing arts venue? What about mentoring a child or adopting a pet? Even belonging to a book club can be a great way to make connections and establish a new community.
4: Strengthen Your Relationships. Ultimately, healthy relationships will lead you out of regret and back towards possibility and excitement.
In addition to the ideas above about finding a purpose and being part of a community, you could consider talking to a resilient friend and see if you can benefit from their perspective. Seeing your situation differently through the eyes of another can be powerful.
You might also seek out a thought partner like a trusted advisor to help you discover other possibilities you might not be seeing. Depending on your situation, even unfortunate financial decisions can be repairable. You may have more choices than you realize.
If you regret the decision to retire, please contact me so we can look at your current situation and the choices you may have. Perhaps it’s time to get creative.
And if you are reading this before retiring, consider these questions a thought experiment to help you prepare. In the words of Lewis Carroll:
“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”
Cheers!
