When most people think about financial planning, they think about numbers: balances, returns, retirement timelines, tax efficiency. 

But there is another element that is more difficult to quantify, yet equally – or even more important: your relationship with money. 

Money Is More Than Math 

Whether we think about it intentionally or not, each of us already has a relationship with money. That relationship is shaped over time by habits, life experiences, family attitudes, cultural patterns, and personal expectations. 

For some, the money relationship feels steady and supportive. There is clarity around where things stand and confidence in financial decisions. 

For others, the relationship feels more complicated. Maybe there is tension, second-guessing, uncertainty, or avoidance. 

Just like any relationship, our relationship with money can improve when we give it more time, focus, and positive attention.  

It’s Not You, It’s Me 

I recently read Morgan Housel’s recent book “The Art of Spending Money.” In it, he describes two different individuals who spend the same amount of money, yet have completely different emotional experiences. One may feel confident and aligned. The other may feel anxious or pressured. 

The difference, he observes, is not income or intelligence. It is whether financial decisions reflect personal values rather than outside expectations. In other words, the quickest way to be miserable, no matter how much money you have, is to spend your money on stuff that other people value, and you think you “should” value, but you don’t.  

When your financial choices align with your long-term priorities, goals, and values, your relationship with money tends to feel more stable and grounded.  

Some people may feel that they won’t feel grounded about their money until they can eliminate uncertainty. In my experience, focusing on eliminating all uncertainty tends to increase anxiety rather than reduce it. Eliminating uncertainty is unrealistic: markets move, prices fluctuate, and life changes. But intentionally aligning your spending decisions with your broader values can give you a sense of peace even amidst chaos because it helps to build feelings of trust, which are the key to any strong relationship.  

A Practical Step: The Monthly “Money Date” 

Trust happens over time. I’ve found that in many cases, consistency is what really matters. 

One practical starting point for building this trust between you and your money is establishing a regular monthly check-in, aka a “money date.” 

Like a romantic date, this is not a time to try to address everything in the relationship. Instead, it is a brief, intentional (and hopefully even enjoyable) time set aside for just you and your money to spend some time together.   

Giving each date one clear purpose helps prevent overwhelm and keeps the process productive. For example: 

• Review account balances 

• Look at a personal balance sheet 

• Revisit a specific financial goal 

• Observe progress without judgment. 

At first, it is perfectly fine to just observe. Get to know each other.  

What you may find is that short, consistent check-ins build familiarity over time. And familiarity can replace avoidance, building trust and strengthening the relationship over time. 

Values-Based Spending 

Another meaningful step to building a more positive relationship with your money is identifying one area of spending that feels purposeful and aligned to you. For example, perhaps you value your health and wellness as top priority, so you don’t mind spending a bit more on high quality food, forgoing driving a luxury car because the car isn’t something you value as highly.  

Or, perhaps you value having the latest tech over traveling the world. If that’s clear to you, then when you spend money on your new iPhone, it feels more satisfying than purchasing a plane ticket.  

There is no universally correct spending choice. What matters is clarity and intention. 

When spending is driven primarily by comparison or fear of missing out, financial tension often increases because you’re pulled in a million different directions. When decisions are anchored in personal values instead, money can begin to feel more supportive and less chaotic. 

From Stress to Stewardship 

Over time, regular engagement, focused review, and values-based decision-making can transform money from a source of stress into a tool that supports your stability and confidence. It’s about awareness, alignment, and consistency – not just numbers. 

The numbers matter, of course, but I have found that people who feel confident and at peace with their money are the ones who also focus on the relationship. If you’re unsure how to do that, I hope you schedule a conversation.   

Opinions expressed herein are solely those of Shadowridge Asset Management, LLC. Material presented is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representations as to its accuracy or completeness. All written content is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to provide specific financial advice or serve as the basis for any financial decision. Each individual’s financial situation is unique, and you should consult with a qualified financial professional regarding your specific circumstances before making any financial decisions.